We’ve never been in greater need of resilience. We’ve also never misunderstood it more.

At one point or another, life will break us open. This is when we need resilience most—but as psychologist Dr. Sherry Hamby reveals, many of us are going about it the wrong way. Resilience isn’t something you either have or don’t. Instead, it is a modifiable process—meaning anyone can learn, practice, and benefit from it across every stage of life.

Drawing on more than thirty years studying violence, trauma, and recovery, Dr. Hamby reveals that the key to becoming more resilient lies in harnessing the necessary resources and assets to thrive after hardship. She calls this your resilience portfolio. The more and different kinds of strengths in your portfolio—in the form of internal assets like meaning-making and regulatory skills, and external resources like supportive social networks and physical environments—the more quickly you can bounce back from adversity, and the better prepared you’ll be to weather future hardship.